Aircraft Jokes from Tony Swift

[Scott]

AIRPLANE STUFF
The difference between a duck and a copilot? The duck can fly.

A check ride ought to be like a skirt--short enough to be
interesting, but long enough to cover everything

It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying
club.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm,
and a good bowel movement. A night landing on a carrier is one of
the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break
wind and head into the ground.

The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that
the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

New FAA motto: "We're not happy, until you're not happy."

A copilot is a knot head until he spots opposite direction traffic
at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.

I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th
unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son. This is
where the food is."